Some Summer Dos and Don'ts

DO: Watch Star Trek.

Okay, okay, it wasn't the best thing I've ever seen. It was the best Star Trek I've ever seen, but I was always biased against Star Trek because I thought you had to be exclusively dating either Wars or Trek and I had chosen Wars. Now I know better. Whatever, it's worth a look for guys and girls. But not for my Mum, she'd hate it.

a) It's hilarious. How could it not be, with Simon Pegg in it? Also, Harold aka John Cho. Guess he has to start acting in real things now that Kumar has run off to the White House. Even without Simon Pegg, it was much more funny and with it than I had expected.

b) Half the shots I swear were homages to other greats like Star Wars (on Hoth) and Transformers (in the desert, when that monster comes out).

c) Sylar was Sylaring around the place. This is neither here nor there but worth mention.

d) Some great cameos: Winona Ryder. Tyler Perry. Enough said.

e) Eye candy. You know, Chris Pine? AKA Princess Diaries 2, and Just My Luck guy? How can you not love that face? Adorable.

Don't: Read the Manny.

It's really dull. Like the Nanny Diaries, but from the POV of the Mom who thinks she isn't the same as the rest of the Upper East Side, so even duller. There's a handsome man in it and a few funny sidekicks but mostly she bitches about how stressful it is to work part time and have three children and three staff, how her husband is a shallow tool, how her Manny is hot... Spends entirely too long on the subplot about her job as a news producer. Really, no one cares.

Here's the sums: Boo hoo, I work so hard and my kids feel neglected, especially my son who effed up in his basketball game and is pretending not ot care. My husband is a lawyer making lots of money but is all bummed that he isn't making enough for a private jet, and thus has no time for our son. I will hire a handsome man to hang out with my son. I totz have a crush on him but I'm too good a wife to do anything about it. Bitch friend went down on him in the closet at a playdate! I hate my husband, also, maybe I should leave him, but sometimes I like him. Oh also boo hoo work sucks I have such a good story coming out that it has been such hard work. Gay men like to give me advice on how to be less frumpy but I don't seem to understand. I love being frumpy. But it's ok, my manny loves me, I figured it out when I went to his birthday party and this really cute girl who had a crush on him told me he was head over heels with 'someone' and someone else told me he had made big bucks off this software he was developing but didn't quit because he didn't want to... ditch my kid? He loves me and now he's really rich. But I have work and fam, so sorry manny. I just caught my husband eating my other friend's vag. OMG. I should get a divorce and hook up with my manny, but not immediately. I don't understand why my manny is so upset I don't want to hook up with him, upset enough to run to California?? Actually I'm just going to take the kids away for a weekend. Manny came to visit! We had hot hot sex, but not that hot. Husband came to visit too! I blackmailed him because he has been doing some dodgy things with his law firm and is in trouble, and now I am free. Manny says I need some time alone, so he will meet me in our spot in central park in precisely 6 months. He did.

(That was the actual last line of the book... 'and he did.' Or something Similar.)

The worst thing about this was that it referenced Britney Spears' Manny and thus means it wasn't even a fresh new idea. It means that it was already old news.

The best thing was that the main chick was advised by a friend to 'always blow your husband'. Hahaha. Every morning apparently. Rona and I discussed it and decided it was a gross but genius plan. From Rona's POV: He'd never cheat, unless he got horny at lunch. From NB's POV: How could he say no to anything? You just gave him a BJ. From my POV: His friends would mock him if he ever complained about anything, because the rest of them only have sex once a month.


Don't: Read Lucky



For some reason, we've been getting a subscription to Lucky for free. The just keep showing up. And they kind of suck. For instance, the May issue assured me that crimping hair was back in. That is a damn lie. Less offensive, but still not great in a fashion mag: Everything is kind of old news. Gladiator sandals, hobo bags... is that stuff still in? Weren't they soo last summer??

Most importantly: No horoscopes. Whaaaa?

But why is Mr Manhatten always naked in his lab?

Baha. Apparently, a nine year old girl asked Zach Snyder that during a Watchmen Q&A. Yup, that's right. In class this week was the Watchmen. I thought I should blog ASAP since having seen this might actually give me some street cred. I didn't read the books, so I don't know if I would have liked it more or less if I had...

Story: (Attempting to have no spoilers) It is 1985 (for the most part), America and Russia are on the verge of nuclear war and the vigilantes of the past have been banned. The Comedian, a member of a retired group of superheros, is murdered, and Rorschach (another superhero who still wears his mask) believes there is a conspiracy to kill all of the masked men. He goes to warn the others who mostly think he is a crazy paranoid and have better things to worry about like using Dr Manhatten's nuclear powered body to solve the world oil crisis and end the cold war. Natch, they're wrong.

The things I've heard the most criticism about are: the soundtrack, and the very hyper-sexy-sex and visceral violence of the story. People booed the soundtrack for having too many (bad?) popular songs on it. I don't know, I enjoyed it. I thought the songs were a good indication of what time period they were in, especially in the beginning montage where they jumped around so much. Rona was impressed with the music budget. And it's kind of fun to take a few seconds to bop around to a familiar song. As for the sex/violence... Snyder said it was intentional because it was meant to be an overturning of the traditional superhero comic, where you can't be explicit with sex, and you don't show blood, so it was meant to be an ironic statement or something. Personally, I didn't think it was out of place. My understanding of graphic novels (which is extensive, having read at least three) as compared to comics was that they are now much more about the anti-hero who has no qualms bloodying up the page. I know the target audience, his name is Nick, and there is nothing he enjoys more than bad-assness and people getting shot in the knee caps.

Alright, now that I've dealt with that, here are some things that I did have problems with:

Most importantly, dialogue. The same thing happened in Sin City, where the script is full of comic book speak, which is super cool and edgy on the page but actually sounds really really retarded when it is read out loud and often makes people laugh. (Your finger is like licking a battery????)

Dr Manhatten's nudity. Actually, his 'costuming' in general. The shiny blue penis was awkward, but his 'battle briefs' were way worse, and seeing him in a suit seemed unnatrual what with all the glowing. I don't know, there's no way out of that one.

While we're on Dr Manhatten, I think we spent a leeetle too much time emoting on Mars. It was very pretty and stuff but it got old fast because there wasn't much to look at.

I also spent a lot of the beginning confused: I didn't realize that they got new people to take over their superhero roles, I thought they just got awesome makeovers. Also, they are super strong right? How did they find other super strong peeps? The whole hero mythology was not well explained.

Most of all, I hated the bright yellow. Now that I've seen it, I get it, it's a cultural AND character reference. But I still think it's gross and tacky.

Some things I noticed that didn't bother me too much:

Rorschach's mask's (I kept thinking his name was Volcheck - OC reference anyone?) inkstains were sliding around all over the place and I really wanted a clearer indication of what they meant, or if they were just random.

Laurie Jupiter had man shoulders (that's just a little Mean Girls for you). Really, she had a very square face. And then during the sex scene I yelped "SHE HAS A TERRIBLE BODY" which I didn't mean to be quite so loud. Actually, her body wasn't awful, but it was definitely not Hollywood. She was kind of flat chested and not toned at all, which is weird because you'd think a superhero would get a lot of cardio in. Also, her costume required a good brazillian at all time because she was def flapping out.

At the end, Ozymandias had this weird animal that they never explained. I guess it was a fanboy secret.

Some things I adored:

The opening montage was quite beautiful, with lots of remakes of pop-culture moments. Flashback scenes in general. Costumes. Hair. Makeup. Sets. Visual effects. The fact that Denny (from Grey's and PS I Love You? aka the Comedian) was alive! The fact that Raoul from Phantom was pathetic as usual, the guy the chick runs to from her freaky true love. He's like the new James Marsden in the slightly more messed up version of every romantic plot. Sally Jupiter and how adorable she was and then aged into an alcoholic. Awesome. I was also quite fond of Ozymandias, there was something quite pristine about him and his golden hairband.

DENNY! You're alive!

I think you can see, generally, the movie LOOKED amazing.

Yay or nay? I liked it more than the batman movies, but they left me very bitter. Yay for the fanboys and gamers and the fans of gore, nay for my mother and maybe if you're bored for the girls who don't really care.

Facebook Entertainment

When work is slow I oft find myself perusing people's notes on facebook. Sometimes I get bummed that no one has tagged me in them so I don't have an excuse to continue the chain (case in point: 25 things, and also those Mr Men pictures going around). Today, I have decided to just blog some. Take initiative and all that.

This one is from a girl from secondary school : The BBC reckons most people will have only read 6 out of the 100 books here.

Instructions:
1) Look at the list and put an 'x' for those you have read.
2) Star (*) those you plan on reading.
3) Hex (#) those you've never finished
4) Tally your total at the bottom.
5) Put in a note with your total in the subject
(and because I'm special, I am going to put a % for the ones I've seen the film version of)

1 (#%) Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen (I read the abridged v in pri 6. To this day, I maintain that I hate J.A)
2 (X %) The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
3 (X ) Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
4 (X %) Harry Potter series - JK Rowling
5 () To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
6 (#) The Bible
7 (X %) Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte (has anyone else seen the AWFUL MTV version???)
8 () Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
9 (X %) His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman (<3)
10 (# % ) Great Expectations - Charles Dickens

Pitstop Count: (X) - 5, (*) - , (#) - 3, (%) - 6

11 (X % ) Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
12 ( %) Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13 () Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14 (#) Complete Works of Shakespeare (Just the ones we did in school...JC, A&C, O, Merch of Venice. And I saw Titus and R&J)
15 (* ) Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16 ( X) The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien (maybe.. since i've read the others)
17 ( ) Birdsong - Sebastian Faulk
18 () Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19 (X) The Time Traveller’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20 ( #) Middlemarch - George Eliot

Pitstop Count: (X) - 3, (*) - 1, (#) - 2, (%) - 2

21 ( X %) Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22 ( X ) The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
23 ( ) Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24 ( # ) War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25 () The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
26 ( * ) Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27 ( ) Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28 ( ) Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29 ( X %) Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carrol
30 ( % ) The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame

Pitstop Count: (X) - 3, (*) - 1, (#) - 1, (%) - 3

31 (* %) Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32 ( ) David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33 (X %) Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
34 ( ) Emma - Jane Austen
35 ( ) Persuasion - Jane Austen
36 ( X %) The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis (How IS this not under Narnia? - I didn't write that, but I agree)
37 ( X) The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
38 ( ) Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39 ( X %) Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
40 (X %) Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne

Pitstop Count: (X) - 5, (*) - 1, (#) -, (%) - 5

41 () Animal Farm - George Orwell (saw the play)
42 (X %) The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43 ( ) One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44 ( ) A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
45 ( ) The Woman in White - Wilkie Collin (saw the musical)
46 (X %) Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
47 ( ) Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48 ( *) The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood
49 () Lord of the Flies - William Golding
50 (#%) Atonement - Ian McEwan

Pitstop Count: (X) - 2 , (*) - 1, (#) - 1, (%) - 3

51 ( *) Life of Pi - Yann Martel
52 (X %) Dune - Frank Herbert (well, I saw Children of Dune. OW OW JAMES!)
53 ( ) Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 ( ) Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55 ( #) A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 ( ) The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 (#) A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens (abridged version again)
58 (X) Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59 (X) The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time
60 ( ) Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez Pitstop (does it count if I wanted to see the movie?)

Count: (X) - 3, (*) - 1, (#) - 2, (%) - 1

61 ( * ) Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62 (X %) Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63 ( ) The Secret History - Donna Tart
64 ( X) The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65 (% ) Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66 ( #) On The Road - Jack Kerouac (reading it right now! bought it for NB but really so I could read it)
67 ( ) Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68 ( % ) Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding
69 ( *) Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie
70 () Moby Dick - Herman Melville Pitstop

Count: (X) - 2, (*) - 2, (#) - 1, (%) - 3

71 ( %) Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72 (# %) Dracula - Bram Stoker (abriiiidged... man I had a lot of abridged classics as a kid)
73 (X % ) The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74 ( ) Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson (they have this at my mum's shop)
75 ( ) Ulysses - James Joyce
76 (*) The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
77 ( X %) Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome (and then I made myself a bow and arrow)
78 ( ) Germinal - Emile Zola
79 ( # %) Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80 ( ) Possession - AS Byatt Pitstop

Count: (X) - 2, (*) - 1, (#) - 2, (%) - 5

81 ( X %) A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens (did you guess abridged?)
82 () Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83 () The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84 ( ) The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85 ( X ) Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86 ( ) A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87 (X) Charlotte’s Web - EB White
88 (* ) The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89 () Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (No, but I WROTE a spoof, that should count)
90 ( ) The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton

Pitstop Count: (X) - 3, (*) - 1, (#) -, (%) - 1

91 () Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92 ( X ) The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint Exupery
93 ( ) The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 ( X% ) Watership Down - Richard Adams
95 ( ) A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96 ( ) A Town Like Alice - Neil Shute
97 ( #% ) The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98 () Hamlet - William Shakespeare
99 ( X %) Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
100 ( ) Les Miserables - Victor Hugo (saw the musical!)

Pitstop Count: (X) - 3, (*) - , (#) - 1, (%) - 2

Total: (X) - 31, (*) - 9, (#) - 13, (%) - 32

I'm pretty proud of my numbers. I mean, generally, I've read most of the things that I want to read. And the ones that I never finished... usually means that I got bored half way. Sometimes I might have been a little young at the time I attempted to read them (Like A Suitable Boy and Atonement) It's a little embarrassing that I've seen more movie versions than read the books, but I am looking into Hollywood, so I guess that's okay.

Now you try.

Book List

Read a fair amount over the winter, so here is my little list, if anyone wants to play ketchup.

1) An Equal Music by Vikram Seth.

About: A classical musician who is in love with this chick he dumped ten years ago and hasn't seen since.

Cup of tea: Not really. It's very pretty in the prose, as he tends to be, but I wasn't very taken with the characters and it's one of those stories that is doomed from the get-go, which is kinda depress. I think I would have liked it a lot more if I knew anything about music, because then I could maybe understand when he talks about a great playing of Bach.

2) The Runaway Princess by Kate Coombs

About: A 15 year old Princess is told that she's going to marry the Prince that wins some competition that her father has cooked up, and decides to go and save the dragon, witch and bandits that the Princes are after.

Cup of tea: I kind of loved it. It's a YA book with lots of womans lib messages like don't sit around in a tower sewing and waiting for a Prince, and witches have feelings too. Obvs, I'm too old for it, but it was a nice throwback to the sec 1 days. Sonia, I dedicate this to you.

3) The Girls Guide To Hunting and Fishing by Melissa Bank

About: Anecdotes from a woman's life that have shaped her romantic life.

Cup of tea: Easy read, and the stories were quite sweet and poignant. Interesting narrative because it wasn't linear and managed to convey big portions of her life without telling you what happened in between. Still, pretty much chick lit.

Honorable mentions:

- Several romance novels not really worth documenting.

- How To Marry The Man Of Your Choice, a horrible book from the 80s full of advice like 'dress for men, not for women', which was $1 from a used bookstore in Boston so I had to have it. Comes with a warranty: full refund if not married within 2 years of purchasing book. Offer expires in 1994.

Am now working on The Rachel Papers by Martin Amis.

On FFGs

After watching Twilight last night at midnight (which I will update you on shortly), the official FFG look is confirmed. For those of you who have never encountered an FFG, here's a little guide:

[You might think this is rude/extreme generalizing, and you're right, it is. But think of it like racism - if someone is being racist about their own race, that's okay right? And since I am clearly an FFG, no p, kiddo.]

1) Looks: The main thing about the FFG is that she is plain and unremarkable, which is why she has to live vicariously through Bella Cullen and Paramore and Hot Topic. This is why most FFGs have brown hair and brown eyes. Or at best, a dirty blonde. Alternatively, some kind of bright, dyed shade to mask the FFG bleh (see Osbourne, Kelly). The FFG is probably pretty pale, from living with minimal exercise and hiding in her room reading. For the same reasons, she can be sized anywhere from 0-100, but is never toned.

2) Fashion: This varies, depending on age and how rebellious she is feeling. Generally, she wears plain one-colour things, like jeans and a t-shirt. But since the FFG clearly craves attention, she lusts after Hot Topic punk, and might indulge in the occasional bow hair pin. The FFG may take outfit queues from books/music/tv that is a la mode, dressing as the main character does.

2a) OR if it is a really special occasion, such as a concert or the opening night of a FFG approved movie, she will don a 'band' shirt. By band, I also mean movies/books/whatever that the FFG is supporting. This band shirt is often slightly too small/ill fitting, clinging uncomfortably over the chesticles/love handles/arm fats/bra bulge. One mystery I have yet to solve: does the FFG like that all the other FFGs have the same shirt, or hate it? Is it like finding a kindred spirit or like going to prom and seeing some other slut in your dress?

3) Hobbies: There are a few types of FFGs, and hybrids. The music FFGs adore trolling iTunes for emo music and dreaming that the emo boy singing is in fact singing about her and how she broke his heart. The book FFGs enjoy reading young adult book series that star a (skinny) FFG and the devastatingly handsome boy who falls in love with her for no reason other than her sheer charm and wit. The movie/tv series ones do the same thing, except they watch them. All FFGs then proceed to log on to the internet and read/write fanfic and post comments on fan pages and try and get themselves prominent enough in the FFG world that they become minor celebrities. That is the ultimate goal. (See Meyer, Stephenie and Bella Cullen Project, The)

3a) Hobbies (no event available): The FFG likes anything to do with magic and fate, because you know that's the only way she'll snag her handsome handsome man who is sooo much better than the stupid boys who go to her high school and have crushes on the stupid cheerleaders. Anyway, this includes things like astrology, mythology, and fortune telling.

4) Ambition: I'm sure there are lots of noble FFG ambitions, but the real dream is to become an author and get to make an FFG movie about your own book where you can choose the dreamboat that falls in love with you... er, the heroine of the book. Next best is to be such a huge fan that you get to interview an FFG idol, go to a premiere/concert for free, or at least write such awesome fanfiction that you get a few FFGs of your own. Uh, the real dream being that the FFG idol spots you in the crowd and speaks to you, and you utter such a memorable line that he immediately whisks you off into his Hollywood life and you can write a novel about it and... it's a never ending cycle. At the very least, an FFG would like to rise above the FFGdom and be BFF to some FFDidols. God, that got complicated.

5) Habitat: The FFG can oft be found loitering around CD or bookstores, sometimes libraries. On weekends, they may be found in clusters. To find them en masse, check out the FFG events, as listed earlier (special occasion where one might where a band shirt).

6) Patron Saints: Bella Cullen, the chick from Paramore, Liz from Roswell, Cho Chang... it's an endless list.

7) Queen of the FFGs: Stephenie Meyer

Happy Hunting!

Best Halloween Costume EVER!

Took this from Stephanie Meyer's page. It's a chick at the Breaking Dawn release party.

Hahaha. How embarrassing!!!!!!!!! But also really really great.

Breaking Dawn

Okay, I'm going to try and do this with as few spoilers as possible.

Breaking Dawn is the 4th installment in the Twilight series by Stephanie Meyer. Didn't read the other three? Don't read this one til you've read those. Unless you're a boy, in which case, don't read them at all.

The Plot: Same as usual. Bella and Edward try to deal with the fact that Bella is human and Edward is a vampire, Jacob messes things up, the Volturi come and threaten people. Look how good I'm being! Didn't ruin it at all!

Compared to the others: Probably my fav, next to the first book. Maybe because they actually get shizz done, rather than hemming and hahing around as usual. Maybe because the characters are less annoying. Maybe just because they do it. Ha! Ha! You knew they would.

In General:

The Plot: Was like a mix of 2 other fantasy series I used to read, The Black Jewels trilogy (where there was like a 'pack' that was loyal to this one chick...) and The Wayfarer Redemption (which was a sequel of the Axis Trilogy). Except both were much darker. So I guess like those 2 + Buffy. But was pretty full of twists, so that was nice.

The Characters: Eh, a bit one-dimensional even when they're trying not to be. Bella is always stubborn and martyrish, also horny. But, to be fair, who wouldn't be if you had a guy like that??
Edward seems to exist to gripe about how Bella is in danger. Jacob runs around whining about stuff. Rosalie is a bee. But overall, they were a little more endearing than usual. We like Seth and Emmett best.

The Writing: As much as it draws me in and gets me very involved and stuff, I can't help feeling that it's a little immature. Not just the story, with all it's ideals of men and ruining normal guys for girls, but the way it's planned out. Sometimes something happens and Su and I are like oj, because bla bla bla. Like we don't even question it. And pages later they go "OMG, because of BLA BLA BLA!" and we get all... huh? I thought we had established that? But maybe these people are just not that bright.
Some lines are outrageously full of cheeze, too.

Yay or Nay: Oh go on, it's not a deep read or anything, but it'll keep you entertained and probably is great if you're PMSing.

YouTube Really Hates Me

Sorry I've been MIA. Weekend with the fam in Bintan. Am now covered in sandfly bites. Super not cool.

In other news, youtube hates me. It's officially stopped posting the videos I want it to, so we are back to links.

1) Order of the Phoenix Trailer - I don't know why you wouldn't have watched this yet.

2) Harry Potter in the Hood - A kind of funny spoof. I actually thought this was quite clever. It's a year old so maybe y'all have seen it.

3) If you go to the MTV movie blog, you get to see videos of hilarious fan girls all freakin' out about the twilight book and reading it on the floor while their friends pay and getting tattoos and shizz.

Ok, that's all I have for you. I just wanted to touch base before I lose all human contact while reading Breaking Dawn. (PS Watch out for bumper stickers, spoilers are going up! I saw one and it just about broke my heart so I called Su to read it to her and ruin her life too. Heh.)

Twilight

It's like I told Sonia:

Roswell + a pinch of Buffy + Cedric Diggory = Twilight

And I know I said I couldn't read it because it looked that awful, but knowing that hottie mc hot hot Cedric Diggory is playing the lead in the movie version, I decided I could deign to give the book a try. Remember: it's hard to be objective when you have his good looking face backed up by the assurance that Edward is hotter than the fiery flames of hell.

The story:

Bella falls in love with a vampire named Edward.

More details? (Lots of spoilers, so skip ahead if you don't want it to be ruined) I've italicized the Roswell comparisons.

Bella moves from Phoenix to live with her dad in some tiny ass town in Washington where she is miserable because it always rains. She hates the attention she is getting in school, but she makes friends (sort of -- they don't seem to be friends so much as people she nods at) fast. Then she notices the Cullens, five super-model-esque adopted siblings who always sit at the same table and keep to themselves and are very pale and graceful. In bio lab, Bella finds that the only empty seat in class is next to one of the five - the youngest, Edward. Except he seems to hate her, sitting as far away as possible and keeping his fists clenched, and having very dark dark eyes. Poor Bella. She even finds him in the office after school, trying to switch out of her lab. But dang, he's hot. Finally, Edward starts talking to her, mocking her lightly and making dark hints about how he's dangerous and she should stay away from him. Actually, I think this might have only happened because he saves her from a car crash. Meanwhile, a million zillion boys are in love with her and want to take her to the dance, but Bella is unnaturally clumsy and so tells everyone that she has plans to go to Seattle that weekend. Edward offers her a ride to Seattle, and she accepts.

Bella knows something fishy is up, because he seems to move very quickly sometimes, and also she's quite convinced that he stopped the car from crashing into her with his bare hands. She finds out from some Native American kid on a reservation that the Cullens aren't allowed on their land coz they are vampires. But it's ok, the Cullens are 'vegetarians' and don't eat people, only animals. Oh. Bella and Edward also have great chemistry in bio lab and spend all their time thinking about touching each other. Um, I don't really remember, but she and he have a discussion about how she isn't scared of him even though she knows, and won't tell anyone his secret. He pops in her window at night and spends the night cuddling, except he is a corpse so it's always rather chilly.

Then, she is watching his family play vampire baseball, when some other vampires come. But they are the people-eating type, and would very much like to eat Bella. One of them (James) is a professional tracker or something and has his sights set on Bella, and basically hunts her down. Edward tries to get to him first, sending Bella away with his 'brother' and 'sister' to Phoenix, to throw the vampire off her trail and hopefully keep him from hurting her family. Vampire man finds her in Phoenix and has her mom kidnapped! But he'll switch her safely for Bella if she comes without telling anyone. So, when they go to pick up Edward from the airport, Bella makes a run for it. Turns out he didn't have her mom, he just broke into her house and found some old video tapes that he would play back on the phone (a very cunning Home Alone move...), he tries to attack her and eat her but Edward comes in and saves the day, but James has already bitten her, so Edward has to suck out the venom without drinking all her blood. And he does. And she's fine. And they are happy. But he's still dangerous.

The End.

Thoughts:

The first 2/3 were kind of draggy but very sweet and Max and Liz ish. The last 1/3 was very exciting, though full of hubris and foolishness... I think you will find that all three books are this way, with 2/3 romantic dragginess and then a couple of really exciting chapters at the end.

Yay or nay?

Yay for girls who want to relive their pubescent years, or are still going through them. You know, back when it was all about the soul mate and thinking that you are insufficient even though the guy thinks you are the most beautiful thing on earth. Also, for people PMSing and needing a good mush. It's definitely fluff, so it's a no-go for boys and people who like kind of intelligent reading.

Also, more specifically, Liane, this one is for you. Sorry Nick, you'll hate me for it. Su, maybe, in your Gladiator mood. I already know Sonia's thoughts (a resounding yes). Bev, maybe, when you are pining for a boy. Sam, probs not.

Really Hawt

Let me begin with an anecdote:

When I was home in December, I was having a day out with my friend, Bev. We were in Borders, loitering around the tween book section and noticed a large pile of some melo-dramatic series about vampires. We half-seriously joked about how I should buy it, but then I thought it looked so awful I refused.

Anyway, turns out this book was Twilight, a movie coming out soon, but more importantly, starring Cedric Diggory! (Ok ok, his real name is Robert Pattinson.)

I'm sure you all remember being broken hearted in like... sec 2, when the most handsome man in the Harry Potter series DIED. And then reliving the heartache when he turned out to be actually handsome, in the movie, and again, DIED! Well, now Rob-bob is playing a vampire, so he's immortal - suck on that, Voldie!

Why didn't I buy the book, Damnit!

The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian

Way, way, infinately better than Narnia #1: Mr Tumlus Is The Only Saving Grace. Rona thought it was a little boring, but Ryan and I adored it.


The Plot: (This one is going to be long, because it's fresh in my memory.)

It's Narnia, but a good thousand plus years later. All the Narnians have been killed off/sent into hiding, and a new breed of faux-Spanish humans rule the world. Caspian (aka Ben Barnes, aka Some small role in Stardust aka REALLY HANDSOME MAN) is the heir to the throne that his Uncle, Miraz (aka some Italian man), is looking after for him. On the night the movie starts, Miraz has a son and thus realizes, really, why keep Caspers around? Luckily, Casps is warned by his wizened tutor, who passes him some mysterious covered object and gives a foreboding warning, and escapes into the forest. Hot on his heels are his Uncle's soldiers, out for his blood. Caspers runs into some dwarves just as the men decend upon him, and he takes out the mystery object, which is just a horn, and blows it. Whoop whoop, one dwarf gets kidnapped and Caspers is knocked out.

Meanwhile, in Post WWI London, the 4 kiddies are a little bit more grown up. Susan (aka Anna Popplewell aka nose and lips are strangely bublous aka Thunderpants! haha) is getting hit on by some nerd at the newsagents and has a hilarious moment where she tells him her name is Phyllis (just like my granny!) when that little monster, Lucy (aka Georgie Henley - do you know how much I hate that name?) runs out yelling "Susan!" Silly brat. Anyway, they run into the train station and Peter (aka William Moseley aka All Grown Up Now, Eh?) is in a fight with some chaps showing off his male egoness, and Edmund (aka Skander Keynes aka Really Quite Funny Now) jumps in to help. Anyhoo, they deal with that problem and are waiting for the train when suddenly ... ok, I'm getting a little too detailed for my own good.

Basically, the kids end up in Narnia and are shocked to find so much time has passed. Meanwhile ,Caspers is gathering an army of Narnians to fight his Uncle and take back what is his. Also meanwhile, his uncle is killing off important people and amassing some armies. Oh yea, and everyone is sad that Aslan isn't around except Lucy, being the crazy little thing that she is, keeps seeing him. The kids hook up with Caspers and decide to work together. Susan and Caspers have a moment, lots of jokes about how young they are.

Peter (who I keep trying to call John for some reason...) and Caspers kind of butt heads because of the two-alpha-males problem, but they go attack the castle in a very exciting scene, but lots of people die and for some reason that silly little cow with the bottle of ever-life doesn't come save them this time. They are very angry with each other, Caspers considers getting the Ice Queen to help in a slightly-redundent but very well done scene, but Edmund kills her so it's ok.

Uncle comes to fight them and there is a big scene and they lose and Uncle takes over the world. Ha-ha not really, but everything from there is pretty self-explanatory.

Then Caspers kisses Susan, and she and Peter-John are told they can never come back to Narnia, and the 4 kids are booted out. Susan is greeted merrily by nerd-o who is all "Hey Phyllis!" and it was the saddest thing I've ever seen. The end.


The Good: Well, might as well get it out there: Handsome Handsome Man, Prince Caspian. Also, Peter is all grown up and looking sexy, although acting like a bit of a tool. Plus, his real name is Will, so, er, soulmates? So that's the best part taken care of. The fight scenes were pretty amazing, and heartbreaking. Look out for the secret thing that Caspers does during the last fight, it will take your breath away. Edmund totally redeems himself in this one and is very endearing. Susan and Lucy have some hilarious banter about how shit Susan is at flirting. There is a funny mouse that is very close to Puss In Boots from Shrek mixed with Sir Digamus or whatever from the Labyrinth. Oh yea, also yay to the costumes, especially Susans'!


The Bad: As usual, there is too much preaching because Aslan is secretly-not-secretly God. There are some overly melo-dramatic emotional things, and they hit you over the head a bit with not believing in him. Lots of the conflict was very trivial and avoidable, which made me mad. Some of the plot was a little random, and could have been tied up better. Lucy was not very good, but better than last time. She is too self-righteous, and everyone loves her too much, and also, she only wants to save her little-people/creature friends.

The Ugly: The women. I mean, sad, but true. There was lots of male eye-candy, and then there was big-nosed Susan who is cute but not cute enough to get Caspers for sure, and also little uggers Lucy, who couldn't be eye candy anyway, unless you are some kind of pervert.

Also ugly: Poor Susan's life after she leaves Narnia. I mean really, how tragic, you'll never recover from that one. I was very fixated on this all evening. I think Su would be too. It's just one of those things, she and Caspers didn't even get time to really hang out or anything and she was sent away, and she'll never find anyone that hot in the real world, especially without her "High Queen" status. And even if she did, he'd be dating Giselle or something, not homely little schoolgirl Susan. But props to her for being so Girl-Powery and fighting and being really cool with her bow and arrow. I remember when I was a kid and had a bow and arrow thing that I made myself. I was awesome. I digress.

Yay or Nay? Yay. I thought it was great, if you take all the morally bits with a pinch of salt and remember that it's still a kids movie. Su, for sure. And Sonia. And all girl-kind.

Say hello to your friends...

Awesome blog for you to check out.

But really you'll probably only appreciate this if you were a little girl that could read some time in the early 90s.

This genius girl has decided to revisit her childhood by re-reading all the Baby Sitters' Club Books. Amazing. What a great plan. I wish I hadn't sold all mine to Sunny bookshop in that whole 'I'm too old for this shizz' phase of my life. You're never too old for the BSC.

Actually this chick is kind of a bitch about it, but I guess they aren't as good revisited as they were way back when.

I can feel some great Halloween costumes coming on....

Also, still working on the whole youtube biz, but I think I almost have it figured out. Until then, you'll just have to click to get to the only full episode I could find.

For all my young men

Apparently "men who masterbated a lot in their youth are less likely to have prostrate problems".

From Bruce Beresford's Josh Hartnett Definately Wants to Do This Film ...

So yea. I'm sure you'll all take this to heart.

Martha O'Connor

So, it seems that The Bitch Posse (the orig American title...) has a whole lot of the author's life in it, which is pretty interesting. (She's mostly Rennie, the fallen-from-grace valedictorian, I think. But probably lots of her in the other characters too. Also doubt her friends killed her ex lover.)

She also has a nice blog.

The Bitch Goddess Notebook

So, home for the holidays means I get to read again. Haven't done that in a while, other than some crappy romances from Ralphs. And by crappy I mean really amazing.


Anyway, the book is basically about 3 BFFs in 1988 and also them after 15 years of not speaking to each other because of some big bad that they did. (I bet you thought it was going to be one of those hilarious how-to books, like how to be a bitch goddess. I wish it was too.)

It has an interesting style, the chapters are POV of the 3 girls in turn, and every other chapter is 15 years ago... so there's alot of time travel going on.

Lots of sex, which was pretty excellent. I liked that it didn't glamourise it at all, and that the girls were always bitching about it after. Er, it was pretty graphic though. That might be a good or bad thing, depending.

Didn't like the blatant forboding 'hints' at the terrible terrible thing which they did.

Also, was not entirely sure that I believed that they all had such fucked up lives and parents.

One girls parents were alcoholics because their first daughter was perfect except that she was mentally retarded and had to live in a home. This same girl used to be a cheerleader but ditched the bitches to hang out with these 2 freaks so they could have a really cool lesbian sex death cult, or so the rumours at school said. Then she grows up and has a really predictable melodramatic story line that I felt no sympathy for whatsoever.

The second girl was the 'tough' one but she was in an abusive relationship and her (single) mother was shooting up all the time. And she was obsessed with cutting and Princess Diana. She ends up in a mental institution for the 15 years later part.

The last girl is the valedictorian, who has an affair with her married teacher and 15 years later is a published author slash teacher that sleeps with her TAs and likes to be cut during sex.

Drama, huh?

I did like the frequent references to Degrassi (the original), it was nice to know that people cared about Spike and Joey when they were young.

(SPOILERSSSSSSS) Other than that... the whole Bitch Posse thing was cute because it's something I think that all girls go through, having a gang (somehow usually of 3...) that you can go to for anything. I mean, they were a little drastic, I'm not sure that I would take the blame for killing a man alone so that Adelle and Su could run free. On the other hand, I'm almost certain that Adelle and I wouldn't decide that it was a great idea for the 3 of us to get revenge on Su's teacher lover by pretending that he would get an awesome night with 3 underaged chicks and then carve his wife's name into his chest and then accidentally kill him. But if we did accidentally kill him, I think we'd still talk afterwards.

Speaking of, it's nice to have Su around. Now where is Adelle? I miss you my own Bitch Goddess!

Junior

Am I the only person in the world that DIDN'T know that Mila Kunis and Macaulay Culkin were dating? Are dating? Have been dating for like 6 years?

I just read his book, Junior.

It's weird, and confusing, I liked it. I think Nick will. I think Wen might. I think everyone else won't. Adelle won't have the patience for it.

Mostly I liked it for being a secret-not-so-secret love story. Restores my faith in love a little. I had plans to swoop in and steal him from whomever this mystery girl is but then it was Jackie, and how could anyone steal from Jackie?

I also loved it because he thanks Mandy, Eva and Jenna in the dedications at the back. I.e the girls from Saved! That's pretty great.

There were lots of lists, and I really like lists. There were also a few great poems (my fav fav fav part is his poem about sp a ce sinw ron gpl ac es.)

Dangerous Beauty

Watch it.

Tagline: Ancient Venice. Or pretty old, the 1500s anyway. Victoria Franco (aka Tres Pretty Catherine McCormack) falls in love with her bee-eff-eff(aka Moira Kelly aka Mom in One Tree Hill)'s older brother (aka Rufus Sewell aka Bad Guy in both A Knight's Tale and also Tristan and Isolde). Unforch, he can't marry her coz she quite frankly is not that rich but he is, doesn't that suck? So instead, her mother teaches her the old family way of being a courtesan.

Good for: Boys that like pretty girls showing off their boobs (assuming you get the R version). Boys that are in the mood for crying. (Actually, why am I saying Boys? That's terribly sexist, and this film is sort of a woman's lib thing. Hell, girls that like boobs can watch it too.) Sex scenes, clever rhymes, a good cry, a renewed belief in love, a handsome older brother, a random handsome man in the court scene, pretty dresses, Denny's father from Grey's.

Su will love it, Sonia probs because it's like one of her romance novels but er real, Adelle when she's in a sappy mood, Sam probs not (actually having said that, there is one great scene where a peacock gets abused, so maybe just for that...), Nick should watch it with Lianne, Bev maybe because it's based on a real person. Does anyone else read this? Doubt it.

(HA HA I just found a GREAT review (and by great I mean it got a C)... from www.aboutfilm.com/movies/d/dangerousbeauty.htm, but I wouldn't bother going, I'll tell you the good bit: "If you are entertained by lush period pieces with an abundance of naked breasts, then Dangerous Beauty is an enjoyable two hours." Bahahah it appears that is me.)

For those of you lucky enough to get NetFlix, you can press 'watch it now' which is actually a pretty amazing tool.

For those who are not, go rent it. Or, get it here.

Based on the book:

Sorry this is so full of (interrupted) sentances.

Brainfood

The Tenant of Wildfell Hall by Anne Bronte




I adore the Bronte sisters, because really, their novels are like guilt-free chick lit. I mean, they're classics, so reading them must be good for the brain. Yet you know that when you pick one up, you're going to be rewarded with a good ol' tale of starstruck lovers, usually only kept apart by their own consciences.

A brief summary: A mysterious woman takes up residence in Wildfell Hall with her young son, and is a topic of speculation for pretty much everyone in the shire. Gilbert, a farmer, falls in love with her and pledges to squash the rumours while finding out about her shadowy past.

The first part was by far the most interestingly written, being from the POV of Gilbert Markham, the self-righteous farmer. Actually, pretty much everyone in the book was kind of self-righteous. Maybe it's just because I'm partial to romances from the male perspective, and how female authors portray them. Anyway, there was a really good passage that I have vowed to memorise so that I may one day rattle it off in a heartbroken state, but I doubt I'll ever manage.

"She had observed my preference for the young widow, and evidently felt herself neglected. She did not manifest her chargrin by keen reproaches, bitter sarcasms, or pouting sullen silence- any or all of these I could have easily endured, or lightly laughed away; but she showed it by a kind of gentle melancholy, a mild, reproachful sadness that cut me to the heart. I tried to cheer her up, and apparently succeeded in some degree, before the walk was over; but in the very act my conscience reproved me, knowing, as I did, that, sooner or later, the tie must be broken, and this was only nourishing false hopes, and putting off the evil day."

So male. The kind of thoughtless, flippant, "oh this girl I've courted for like her whole life, I don't really like her anymore, oh well".

However, about 1/4 way in, Helen (widow-lady) throws her journal at him, and the next half is her backstory. I had been wondering how such a thick book would draw out their romance when the end seemed nigh pretty close to the beginning, and that's how! I'm not going to lie, Helen got a little irritating with her rigidity and piousness. She seemed a little full of herself. No wonder her husband had affairs and became a drunkard. Well, obviously, that wasn't completely her faunt, but she was a little robotic, as everyone kept accusing her. I think I was a little over-sympathetic to her dastardly husband, he seemed like someone I'd get along with- lots of vices and great parties. Her best friend's brother has also been in love with her, and at times he is a little hard to distinguish from Gilbert, as they act in much the same way. Or rather, how they court her is kind of alike.

The last quater goes back to Gilbert, but this time seemed much less realistic. He waits for her for 6 months while she nurses her ex-husband back to health, despite having been told that they can never be together. Not even a glance at another girl. Then one day he gets the great idea to jump up and chase after her, and she is so happy and they get married and live happily ever after. Uh, really?

I liked the bitchy husband better.

But still, it was engaging and emotionally satisfying. I also liked that they were all quite beautiful and young, call me shallow but it really adds to the credibility of the romances.