To 'go to the mattresses' is the Godfather way of saying go to war. Not that I watched the Godfather. But You've Got Mail is on TV fairly often, and Tom Hanks references it a bunch of times.
Why, you ask? Why would a lovely, sweet, peaceful girl like me go to the mattresses?
Here's the story:
I'm in this class that is a really massive and also one of the most desirable electives in USC. As such, everyone and their dog is enrolled in it. (Except Rach). This includes many hot faves such as Facebook Foul (aka 2 week boyfriend, aka 'go stand over there'), GhettoFabButActuallyRichAndAsianGirls, WooStalker, BW and many many more. (Not BabyFace though, oddly). Natch, that means that Mom, Dad, Rona, NB and I all get to take a happy family class.
But you know who else is in it? The previously unmentioned BitterWannaBeExSomethingButAtLeastThey'reStillGoodFriends of NB. Boy that's long. We'll shorten it to BWB, because that's the important part.
(And why am I so sour, you ask? Those who know me know that I am generally quite rational and not unreasonably jealous. But this BWB HATES MY GUTS. Like for serious. Case in point: "She can't come to my party, NB, she's not on the guest list. But you're still coming right?" Which made me SO mad because really, what kind of girl doesn't know that as the Still Good Friend you are meant to play the fake nice card?)
I left for the bathroom before the movie started (oh, I gave it away...) as did many other girls. I saw BWB and a friend of hers coming down her aisle and they were walking right next to me, but I pretended not to see her. Then, she and her friend are standing behind me in line for the bathroom and I hear:
BWB: Oh shit don't turn around, I don't wanna say hi to her.
(I'm thinking... she can't be talking about me, but that's fine, I'll just pretend I don't hear...)
BWBF: Oh, but its NEIGHBOURBOY! You should go say hi!
BWB: Haa... whatever, I already saw him yesterday, I don't need to *mutter mutter*
BWBF: But it's NEIGHBOUR! You should introduce me!
(In my head: OMG bitch, do you think I can't hear that you're talking about my boyfriend while you're standing behind me?)
BWB: Whatever, I'm used to not having him around...He used to be around all the time, but now *mutter mutter* So I was with NB's ex roommate right, and we were planning this thing with like dinner, movie, comedy club, and we called up (name) (name) and (name) and NB *mutter mutter*
(Note: NB and I were attending this event, and I am fairly good friends with NB's ex roommate seeing as he was also a NB if not THE NB.)
BWB: *Mutter mutter* and NBER and I were like 'since when have we hung out with her', *more muttering about how I should not have been invited*
So what do you think guys? I am totally in the right at hating this BWB, right?? Because, you know, I was RIGHT THERE. And she wasn't talking quietly. Which makes me think that she wanted me to hear.
Here were my options, in order of appearance in my mind:
1) I'm going to sulk back to my seat, and tell NB that his horrible BWB is bitching about me in the bathroom and say that I don't want to go because obviously she has something against me.
2) I'm not going to say anything to him and just say I don't want to go/act busy tomorrow.
3) (The apparent winner) TO THE MATTRESSES! Don't say anything to NB and show up for this shindig and be amazing and sparkly while she is short and somewhat frumpy.
3a) Tell NB after the event, so that he can take appropriate action.