Esoteric Inklings

The words 'esoteric' and 'nefarious' have been floating around the office a lot this week. I know, whaaa? The only reason I even know the word esoteric is because of writing 340.

Anyway, esoteric seems to describe my ultimate Christmas wish. The other stuff is just cuckoo bananas items, business as usual. (Isn't the phrase cuckoo bananas just great? I picked it up from Degrassi a while ago and have only now resurrected it.) This Christmas List was done at the request of my darling Choops, but anyone else who wants to give me presents is welcome to. That's YOU, NB!

(Speaking of NB and presents, he did a wonderful job of getting me the microplane for our 2 year anniversary present. All the TV chefs have one, so of course, I believed that it was the only thing standing between me and great zest.)

The regular stuff first:

1. 2010 planner

I need a planner, because now that I am a grown up, I plan on 'doing drinks' and 'getting together' after 'checking my schedule' . And while the computer is all well and good, it is not as fun. I also associate it too closely with work.

Here are my requirements:

- Small-ish, and light. Must fit in my purse.

- Cute. Must not be embarrassed to take it out in public.

- Of good quality paper. Must be able to withstand personalization with highlighters and other office supplies.

- Must open to the spine (eg. spiral binding). I am left handed and if it doesn't open all the way it's realllly hard to write.

Inspiration: Here, and here, and here, and here. All are somewhat lacking.

(The picture is from Red Velvet Art - their stuff is sooo cute, especially the underpants. But no planners :( )

2. Feather skirt

I know, you are probably like errr... fashion faux pas. But I think they are so cute.

Requirements:

- A wearable colour. There is a hot pink one floating around the internet that I am not digging.

- A fun length. And by fun, I mean short. Not like teeny tiny, but you know, not matronly.

Concessions:

- This would also be acceptable in dress form, if the top of the dress is cute too.

(I am a medium, or size 12 uk, 6 us)

3. Rain boots

Granted, it rains maybe 3 days a year in LA. But boy, on those 3 days, I always wish I had Wish William's Wellingtons.

There was a pair from the Gap that I loooved a couple of years ago, navy with a pink trim. All gone now.

Requirements:

- Cute (duh)

- Not too colourful. I need to be able to wear this with whatever outfits, and probably my polkadot raincoat.

(I am a size 8 1/2 us... 39 eur... I think uk 7 1/2? I used to be 8 but my feet have been shrinking...)

Speaking of boots...

4. Motorcycle boots

So, my beloved brown Payless boots have a hole in the zip from four years of loving, a million spilt drinks and one winter of sledding (Yes, I went sledding in heels. The were wonderful ice picks). These Pradas would be an excellent replacement. (I also have my over the knee black Victoria's secret boots, but they are pretty whorish and not entirely work appropriate, and also, they make my feet feel a 19th C Chinese woman with bound feet... and a computer...)

Requirements:

- None, kind of. I mean, black or brown. Heel, or none. Knee-high or mid-calf. (Er, not ankle though. And mid-calf might look cankly, but I am open to your good taste).

5. Rolling pin

It's just one of those things that I really need but have never bought. I have been using a wine bottle (always available in my apartment) covered in clingfilm. It does the job, just not as well.

Other things that are always welcome:

Costume jewelry (or real, that's cool too), accessories (hats, scarves, gloves, over-the-knee socks, leggings, arm warmers, sunnies, umbrellas, weird hair things), clothing basics (cardigans, basic tees and tanks), kitchen things (fun cookie cutters, cook books, pie tins, weird shaped cake pans, holiday sprinkles, pretty jars for sugars and flours, cake stands).

Isn't this necklace sooo cute? From here!

And now, it's time for... the Ultimate Christmas Wish:

To be a Portland Housewife.

Let me explain. Portland housewives don't have to be from Portland, but they generally are, because that's where all the cool kids are from. They stay at home all day and bake and craft with their young children, then blog about it. They crochet and make cute stuffed animals out of felt and play dress up and have herb gardens. They shop at farmer's markets. They buy handmade. They go thrifting. They loiter around Etsy.

My first experience with the Portland Housewife was Amy Karol, and I believe she is actually a Portland Housewife. Then the Bluebird Vintage girl, who has a child and is crafty cool so qualifies, then the Red Velvet Girls and now I am just swamped with blogs to envy and projects to wish I was doing.

Anyway, seeing as I actually like my job (other than the whole waking up and having to work thing), and really only want to dabble in Portland Housewivery for now (although, in 5 years, I will be all over that shizz), I would like to craft more.

So what I need for that is: Patterns. A sewing machine. Books. Someone to teach me to knit. Someone to teach me to crochet. Cool wools. Cool fabrics. Needles. Buttons. Stamps. Inks. Funny-shaped hole punchers. Ribbons. Cute papers. A wicker basket to keep them all in.

Any contributions would be welcome.

Dream Dream Dream

Last night I had a weird dream I thought I would share and interpret. I am just that bored.

So, I was very pregnant, and my water broke. I was put on this white couch to give birth and I was all freaking out that they only gave me one towel, and it's a white couch, and it was going to get dirty. No one seemed to care except me. Then I was actually giving birth. You will all be glad to know that it hurts only slightly more than a very constipated poop. Easy birth, gooey baby. But then I got worried about my placenta being broken, because in Bio in secondary school our teacher told us about how if its not complete then the pieces left behind can rot in your uterus and make you sick. But I guess it was fine, and the baby was fine. Then the baby and I went with cousin Alex, Aunty Cyn and Uncle John to some super secret safety deposit box thing where I wasn't allowed to go in. I don't remember that part very well. But we were in a lift.

So, here are some interpretations:

To dream of reclining on a couch, indicates that false hopes will be entertained. You should be alert to every change of your affairs, for only in this way will your hopes be realized.

To dream of giving birth can represent the beginning of a new project or stage of life.

A baby signifies innocence, warmth and new beginnings. A love may be blooming for you in your near future. You will also make fun new friends. Babies may also symbolize something pure in your own inner nature. If you dream of a crying baby, part of yourself may feel deprived of attention and affection.

To see a placenta in your dream, symbolizes dependency and reliance on other people. It also suggests that there is something in your life that is no longer needed. You need to let go of some of the unnecessary burden.

Riding in an elevator means that you are looking for help with a specific problem, or you want to achieve your goals in a hurry without putting much effort into it. Riding up in the elevator means social and professional advancement.

To see a bank in your dream denotes your desires for financial security.

SO. Let's interpret.

Because I have recently graduated from college, a new stage in my life is beginning. Also because NB is moving home. I am slightly in denial about the fact that I will probably never see him again in my life. That's a kind of hard thing to accept. NB is probably the placenta, and the false hope couch. That bastard.

And yes, I would like to become a producer with not much effort, that would be sweet, or even just to have an assistant job. So there's my elevator. And really, who doesn't want financial security?

What the family members have to do with it I do not know. Perhaps I want to use family connections to get ahead with little effort and have money? Sounds about right.

What have you guys been dreaming of lately? Anything this weird?

Graduation Groans

I have come to the startling realization that my degree is useless. That's not entirely true, but my career of choice is really childish. And like... teeny. Because (with any luck) I am going to be an assistant, answering phones, getting my boss coffee and driving his/her car to get the oil changed, and things that I could have done when I was 16...

I don't have a problem with that. It's the path I must take. But then I remember that my classmates at home who are graduating are going to be like... legit lawyers. And accountants. And actually have responsibilities. That mean something.

And that is pretty scary.

I should at least write my cover letter soon.

Miss me?

Hello my darlings!

Sorry I've been MIA. I've been moving, and we don't have internet yet. In fact, we were recently informed that we will not be having internet until next Tues, which is super lame. So I have taken to haunting Starbucks and bumming school nets.

While we are on Starbucks, here's a Thrift Tip! It's recession time and I'm sure everyone has less money than usual and must scale down on the $5 lattes. Doesn't mean you have to give up the Starbucks completely! As I have recently discovered, a Venti Iced Green Tea (or any other type of tea...) is only US$2.10, ... actually I'm staring at the price board now, and is it me or did everything get cheaper? Oh right, different currency. Um, scrap that tip. But still, Green Tea is awesome.

Anyway, new house stuff. I love it, especially the own room stuff. Does anyone know how to get rid of the smell of a thousand blunts? I'm pretty sure my room was previously the smoking lounge for the disgusto-boys who lived there before us.

And does anyone know how to sound proof a house? Actually, never mind that one. It's kind of useful being able to participate in a whispered conversation upstairs from the comfort of my room downstairs.

And does anyone have any tips on getting rid of bugs? We've been laying traps ("Step 1: Ants go into eat. Step 2: Ants come out to die.") and spraying stuff, but really, the little larvae in the crevices in the kitchen is not likely to crawl through those.

I might also change my major to Engineering with a minor in self-defense and I will then become a hermit. I know that as a senior, it seems a little late to turn my life plan around, but the business school is like fifty miles away where as I could spit at the engineering school from here. And the self-defense is for... self-defense. We live on the dodge side of campus now. At least I'm used to no one coming to my parties.

But yea, like I said, I love the new house. I really do.

Shake your Money Maker

Mother Of Mine has just informed me that The Family has decided that I should be graduating in 3 years (i.e. at the end of this year). As I am obstinately refusing to graduate even a semester early, I have been informed that I will have to be finding my own life-funds come senior year - tution will be covered though.

After much thought, here are my current options:

1) Find Sugar Daddy. May have to try my hand at www.seekingarrangements.com, see if I can find me a silver fox who wants to spoil and pamper me/ make sure I am not living in a cardboard box.

2) Sell Screenplay. My main problems with this are a) finishing a screenplay b) that screenplay being commercially viable c) finding an agent d) finding someone who will buy it.

3) Turn Holding Cell Into Brothel. A plan which has been discussed between Rona and I on several occasions, on account of us already having a red light in the window. However, if we can't even get people to take it when it's free, how will we ever get to charging?

4) Sell Eggs. May have to lie about sinus problems ( I have a cold) and exzema (I was camping and accidentally rubbed poison ivy on my inner elbows) but other than that, I should be good right? Alternatively, I could invest in chicken eggs and then actually sell eggs.

5) Find Illegal Work. If millions of illegal immigrants can do it, I guess I can too. But this is definately a last resort.

Thoughts?

Thoughts

1) Had I not been waiting for fish to cook, we probably would have been in the store at the time the crime went down.

2) Had we been in the store, we would probably be in the fresh produce section.

3) I spent my recovered money at Ralphs... was this a warning??

Facebook knows things...

My most recent Facebook horoscope:

Aries: You're about to come into some extra cash, but be careful how you spend it. Using it all now would not be wise

This evening, I got my bank statement. It had 2 overdraft fees for no reason (er actually my cheque had a hold on it blabla) so the lady waived them and now I have $40 more.

But I must not spend it.