Esoteric Inklings

The words 'esoteric' and 'nefarious' have been floating around the office a lot this week. I know, whaaa? The only reason I even know the word esoteric is because of writing 340.

Anyway, esoteric seems to describe my ultimate Christmas wish. The other stuff is just cuckoo bananas items, business as usual. (Isn't the phrase cuckoo bananas just great? I picked it up from Degrassi a while ago and have only now resurrected it.) This Christmas List was done at the request of my darling Choops, but anyone else who wants to give me presents is welcome to. That's YOU, NB!

(Speaking of NB and presents, he did a wonderful job of getting me the microplane for our 2 year anniversary present. All the TV chefs have one, so of course, I believed that it was the only thing standing between me and great zest.)

The regular stuff first:

1. 2010 planner

I need a planner, because now that I am a grown up, I plan on 'doing drinks' and 'getting together' after 'checking my schedule' . And while the computer is all well and good, it is not as fun. I also associate it too closely with work.

Here are my requirements:

- Small-ish, and light. Must fit in my purse.

- Cute. Must not be embarrassed to take it out in public.

- Of good quality paper. Must be able to withstand personalization with highlighters and other office supplies.

- Must open to the spine (eg. spiral binding). I am left handed and if it doesn't open all the way it's realllly hard to write.

Inspiration: Here, and here, and here, and here. All are somewhat lacking.

(The picture is from Red Velvet Art - their stuff is sooo cute, especially the underpants. But no planners :( )

2. Feather skirt

I know, you are probably like errr... fashion faux pas. But I think they are so cute.

Requirements:

- A wearable colour. There is a hot pink one floating around the internet that I am not digging.

- A fun length. And by fun, I mean short. Not like teeny tiny, but you know, not matronly.

Concessions:

- This would also be acceptable in dress form, if the top of the dress is cute too.

(I am a medium, or size 12 uk, 6 us)

3. Rain boots

Granted, it rains maybe 3 days a year in LA. But boy, on those 3 days, I always wish I had Wish William's Wellingtons.

There was a pair from the Gap that I loooved a couple of years ago, navy with a pink trim. All gone now.

Requirements:

- Cute (duh)

- Not too colourful. I need to be able to wear this with whatever outfits, and probably my polkadot raincoat.

(I am a size 8 1/2 us... 39 eur... I think uk 7 1/2? I used to be 8 but my feet have been shrinking...)

Speaking of boots...

4. Motorcycle boots

So, my beloved brown Payless boots have a hole in the zip from four years of loving, a million spilt drinks and one winter of sledding (Yes, I went sledding in heels. The were wonderful ice picks). These Pradas would be an excellent replacement. (I also have my over the knee black Victoria's secret boots, but they are pretty whorish and not entirely work appropriate, and also, they make my feet feel a 19th C Chinese woman with bound feet... and a computer...)

Requirements:

- None, kind of. I mean, black or brown. Heel, or none. Knee-high or mid-calf. (Er, not ankle though. And mid-calf might look cankly, but I am open to your good taste).

5. Rolling pin

It's just one of those things that I really need but have never bought. I have been using a wine bottle (always available in my apartment) covered in clingfilm. It does the job, just not as well.

Other things that are always welcome:

Costume jewelry (or real, that's cool too), accessories (hats, scarves, gloves, over-the-knee socks, leggings, arm warmers, sunnies, umbrellas, weird hair things), clothing basics (cardigans, basic tees and tanks), kitchen things (fun cookie cutters, cook books, pie tins, weird shaped cake pans, holiday sprinkles, pretty jars for sugars and flours, cake stands).

Isn't this necklace sooo cute? From here!

And now, it's time for... the Ultimate Christmas Wish:

To be a Portland Housewife.

Let me explain. Portland housewives don't have to be from Portland, but they generally are, because that's where all the cool kids are from. They stay at home all day and bake and craft with their young children, then blog about it. They crochet and make cute stuffed animals out of felt and play dress up and have herb gardens. They shop at farmer's markets. They buy handmade. They go thrifting. They loiter around Etsy.

My first experience with the Portland Housewife was Amy Karol, and I believe she is actually a Portland Housewife. Then the Bluebird Vintage girl, who has a child and is crafty cool so qualifies, then the Red Velvet Girls and now I am just swamped with blogs to envy and projects to wish I was doing.

Anyway, seeing as I actually like my job (other than the whole waking up and having to work thing), and really only want to dabble in Portland Housewivery for now (although, in 5 years, I will be all over that shizz), I would like to craft more.

So what I need for that is: Patterns. A sewing machine. Books. Someone to teach me to knit. Someone to teach me to crochet. Cool wools. Cool fabrics. Needles. Buttons. Stamps. Inks. Funny-shaped hole punchers. Ribbons. Cute papers. A wicker basket to keep them all in.

Any contributions would be welcome.

Turkeys go in and (apple) pies come out.

Let me start this by saying that my pies were not inedible. But they were not awesome. Sad face. Why yes, that is a sense of foreboding you are getting.

I got the bright idea (no sarcasm, it really is a good idea) from some blog or site to use turkey leftovers to make turkey pot pie. Nom nom nom.

I found these adorable little disposable pot pie pots, so I could make individual servings and bring a couple to work for the boys that drive me around (long story resulting in no car this week) and feed the roommies. And I used kind of a hodge-podge of recipes, because I figured it was a left over pie, you don't need to follow rules!

What I did (makes 6):

The innards:

Made turkey stock with my carcass, 2 onions, a bag of carrots and a bunch of celery. Also added thyme, oregano, salt n pepper.

Made a roux with 2 tbsp of butter and 3 tbsp flour. Added some roasted garlic, courtesy of thxgiving*. Added 3 cups of stock, with as many carrots as I could gather and as few celery bits as I could (I don't like the idea of celery in my pie. Peas and carrots only please). 1 cup of milk. Seasoned. Added 7 chopped up white potatoes. A cup of frozen peas. 2 cups of chopped up left-over white meat turkey. Simmer until potatoes are tender.

I found that the sauce was too thin so I took all the bits out after and reduced the sauce til it was thicker.

The Outards:

I had a big debate with myself whether to make a regular pie crust or use pre-made puff pastry. Puff pastry won. There's just something so enticing about a puff pastry top. I used one package of puff pastry, but then I threw away one sixth of it because I didn't flour the board the first time and then it stuck to everything and was a giant faily fail. Laziness really kills. I then had to streetch my other pastry out to make it fit 6 pies.

Got the pie crust in, tried to distribute the insides as evenly as possible, covered them up. Dabbed some eggwash (one beaten egg) on each top. Baked for 25 min at 350F.

Here are my results:

I know. Pretty failyfail. Especially when all viewed together. I was a little embarrassed about bringing them to work to give to people, but then I remembered they are boys and thus not picky.

Ah well, learn from my mistakes...

Lessons learned:

- NEVER STRETCH PUFF PASTRY - it shrivels back to size, or doesn't rise and is just generally depressing. It also gets holes in it really easily and then the sauce gets under the pastry and then the pastry shell is all goopey. So use flour aplenty to stop it from sticking and getting thrown away. I would also advise cutting the dough before rolling - a pack of puff pastry usually comes in 2 sheets which are folded in 3, which is pretty perfect. Cut each strip into 2 (one side slightly bigger than the other) and use the bigger for a base and the smaller for the lid. Roll the bigger one so that it is about 3/4 of an inch more in radius for the rim of the pie. Throw it in the pie tin as a square, fit it properly (without STRETCHING!) and then trim whatever falls over the edge.

- I believe you are also meant to cut a little slit in the top to let the steam out.

- Use a brush to do the egg wash. I used my fingers, and it was not even, so my pies were not beautiful and brown and shiny, they were just even more sad.

- For the insides, the biggest piece of advice I can give: cut the carrots and potatoes up, steam all the things separately and put them in the shells, then add the sauce. Why? Well. To ensure perfect cooking of each element. My peas were kind of an olive green by the time all the potatoes were cooked, and my carrots were not so vibrant. My turkey was also kind of dry by the time it had stewed... This also ensures that you get the desired amount of each food, not say one piece of turkey and 9 potatoes.

- Chopping: It really helps to cut things pretty small here. I am a lazy and there were giant chunks of potato and turkey and carrots... which was fine, but would have been better small.

- Aluminum pots are not so great to bring to offices that only have microwaves, because then you have to take the pie out and put it on a paper plate and then the crust gets even soggier.

Back pats:

+ The stock: My soups are generally delicious, and this was no different. Although one roommate has voiced complaint that even our bathroom smells like turkey now.

+ The potato: Using a waxy variety is a good plan because then it doesn't disintegrate in the sauce.

So. Go forth and prosper, children.

In other news, I slept with wet hair and am now experiencing a truly horrible hair day that even a hat couldn't fix. My bangs look like a mullet.

* I have noticed a lot of faux-hip mom-aged peeps throwing this little gem around the emails. They think they are sooo with-it.

Paella tips

I know you are probably bored of the paella talk already, but in case you haven't tried but are planning on it, here is something to consider:

I told my Daddy about making paella, and seeing as we bond over the most bizarre things, he also shared his war stories. His thoughts are that you either burn the paella or eat raw rice. Then he brought up the possibility of cooking it in a rice cooker. I told him I had done something similar but Asian in Home Ec back in the day, so he ventured to try it. He says it is pretty good, and also awesome that you don't have to stand there stirring. (Which you are not meant to do, according to paella lore. Risotto is to be stirred, paella is to be left alone. But I didn't mention this to him.)

So ya, there's your tip. Fry all the veg/meats up, stir in rice, put in rice cooker with stock and wine instead of water, leave to cook. No burns!

Rave Reviews - Chocolate Double Chocolate Chip Cookies

I don't have pictures of these, but I thought I'd share anyway. And trick you with a stolen google pic of some chocolate chips.

As of late, I have been on a mini-mission to make good chocolate cookies. I make good chocolate chip cookies, because I cheat and use the recipe on the back of the chocolate chip packet. My roommates affectionately call these the 'salty cookies', because they aren't super sweet. But they love them.

Last weekend, I tried making a modified version of these, with white chocolate chips, milk chocolate chips and chopped pecans. I used her base recipe, took out the M&Ms and substituted with a cup of each chips and 3/4 cup of pecans.

The experiment was kind of a fail fail. The cookies were okay, but they weren't great or anything. They were a little dry and cakey. Plus the pecans were from my Costco spiced trail mix because I was too cheap to buy real nuts, so they made the cookies taste a little strange and peppery. I should have known not to trust a recipe with no salt and only one type of sugar.

It occurred to me last night that to 'chocolate' most recipes just involves substituting half a cup of flour for cocoa powder. Duh! Back to the Tollhouse recipe. Tried that, with 1 cup milk chips and 1 cup white chocolate. Success!

Here are the reviews:

"Oh my god, these are so good." - Shannon, the New Roommate.

"Your best yet!" - Adam, from Work

"These are by far my favorite." - Adam, from Work.

"These are really good." - Adam, from Work.

"Ngyrumsfds *mouthfull of cookie*, thanks." - James, from Work.

As you can see, Adam was a big fan. So yea, y'all should try that out, if you get all sweet toothy. They are really easy to make, especially with a KitchenAid. Heh. Product Placement. But not really, because they didn't pay me, I just want to show off that I have one.

Guess What Came In The Mail?

Here's some hints:

4 words.

1st word: ______ boy is an emo band.

2nd word: ______ blind mice, see how they run.

3rd word: _____ is a tv show where you get voted out of the tribe.

4th word: Special _____ DVD box set of LOTR had a toy gollum.

So hey, you for whom 2 of these were procured... you owe me $$ :)

Miss me?

Hello my darlings!

Sorry I've been MIA. I've been moving, and we don't have internet yet. In fact, we were recently informed that we will not be having internet until next Tues, which is super lame. So I have taken to haunting Starbucks and bumming school nets.

While we are on Starbucks, here's a Thrift Tip! It's recession time and I'm sure everyone has less money than usual and must scale down on the $5 lattes. Doesn't mean you have to give up the Starbucks completely! As I have recently discovered, a Venti Iced Green Tea (or any other type of tea...) is only US$2.10, ... actually I'm staring at the price board now, and is it me or did everything get cheaper? Oh right, different currency. Um, scrap that tip. But still, Green Tea is awesome.

Anyway, new house stuff. I love it, especially the own room stuff. Does anyone know how to get rid of the smell of a thousand blunts? I'm pretty sure my room was previously the smoking lounge for the disgusto-boys who lived there before us.

And does anyone know how to sound proof a house? Actually, never mind that one. It's kind of useful being able to participate in a whispered conversation upstairs from the comfort of my room downstairs.

And does anyone have any tips on getting rid of bugs? We've been laying traps ("Step 1: Ants go into eat. Step 2: Ants come out to die.") and spraying stuff, but really, the little larvae in the crevices in the kitchen is not likely to crawl through those.

I might also change my major to Engineering with a minor in self-defense and I will then become a hermit. I know that as a senior, it seems a little late to turn my life plan around, but the business school is like fifty miles away where as I could spit at the engineering school from here. And the self-defense is for... self-defense. We live on the dodge side of campus now. At least I'm used to no one coming to my parties.

But yea, like I said, I love the new house. I really do.

Still Smarting

Today was Bonding with Beverly day -- since our junk shopping has gone all non shopping, this now consists of getting waxed.

OVERSHARE TIME -- BOYS, CLICK AWAY

Stripped, at Wheelock place, is considerably better than A Touch Of Class at the UV in LA, classy as the establishment may be. Why?

Waxing room:

Stripped: Little cubicles with cute msgs on the ceiling for you to look at.

ATC: Little cubicle in the middle of hairdressing salon with walls that don't reach the ceiling so hair cuttees can listen to your howls of pain.

On the table bed:

Stripped: Freshly laundered towels.

ATC: Paper off a roll. Possibly what people use to bake.

Wax they used:

Stripped: Regular hot wax for the 'less' painful parts. This cool bubblegum looking wax that doesnt use strips for the TRES painful parts.

ATC: Regular hot wax all over, with lots of "relax, it hurts more if your muscles are tensed". Easier said than done.

Price:

Stripped: S$ 49.20

ATC: US$ 35 ish (without tip)


Stripped was way fast too. That's good because it gives you less time to think about the impending doom as they stick the cloth to you and make sure it's ready etc etc. My only issue was that my woman scolded me a lot. Like a lot. Mostly for shaving, because it gives you ingrown hair and is only cutting it not pulling it out from the folicle etc etc. IDK. Bev's woman was nice apparently. But maybe because Bev didn't commit any offences. I had at least 2 more that I won't mention.

Shake your Money Maker

Mother Of Mine has just informed me that The Family has decided that I should be graduating in 3 years (i.e. at the end of this year). As I am obstinately refusing to graduate even a semester early, I have been informed that I will have to be finding my own life-funds come senior year - tution will be covered though.

After much thought, here are my current options:

1) Find Sugar Daddy. May have to try my hand at www.seekingarrangements.com, see if I can find me a silver fox who wants to spoil and pamper me/ make sure I am not living in a cardboard box.

2) Sell Screenplay. My main problems with this are a) finishing a screenplay b) that screenplay being commercially viable c) finding an agent d) finding someone who will buy it.

3) Turn Holding Cell Into Brothel. A plan which has been discussed between Rona and I on several occasions, on account of us already having a red light in the window. However, if we can't even get people to take it when it's free, how will we ever get to charging?

4) Sell Eggs. May have to lie about sinus problems ( I have a cold) and exzema (I was camping and accidentally rubbed poison ivy on my inner elbows) but other than that, I should be good right? Alternatively, I could invest in chicken eggs and then actually sell eggs.

5) Find Illegal Work. If millions of illegal immigrants can do it, I guess I can too. But this is definately a last resort.

Thoughts?

On Showreels:

The Intern Task of the Day: Locate and isolate reels with *airline* ads from the million shelves of reels within the P.E.A. (Phish Eating Abyss-- aka the cupboard at the end of the earth/office, where they send lowly interns who are never to be heard from again).


How To Make Your Showreel (and my life) Better:

1) Have a content page - If I couldn't tell what was in it, I ignored it. And I can bet you 90% of other interns will too. And if even the interns won't see it, you are pretty much stuck in the PEA forever. (Only that idiot-overachiever who insists on arriving early, leaving late and bringing work home will bother to watch it. And no one cares about his opinion.)

2) Put said content page on the back of the box, not the inside -I swear, my fingers are blistered from opening countless boxes. Save the interns!

That's really all I had to say. Uh, pretty boxes help too, obviously. And like, having Britney videos amongst your credits.