Sunday, May 10, 2009

Some Summer Dos and Don'ts

DO: Watch Star Trek.

Okay, okay, it wasn't the best thing I've ever seen. It was the best Star Trek I've ever seen, but I was always biased against Star Trek because I thought you had to be exclusively dating either Wars or Trek and I had chosen Wars. Now I know better. Whatever, it's worth a look for guys and girls. But not for my Mum, she'd hate it.

a) It's hilarious. How could it not be, with Simon Pegg in it? Also, Harold aka John Cho. Guess he has to start acting in real things now that Kumar has run off to the White House. Even without Simon Pegg, it was much more funny and with it than I had expected.

b) Half the shots I swear were homages to other greats like Star Wars (on Hoth) and Transformers (in the desert, when that monster comes out).

c) Sylar was Sylaring around the place. This is neither here nor there but worth mention.

d) Some great cameos: Winona Ryder. Tyler Perry. Enough said.

e) Eye candy. You know, Chris Pine? AKA Princess Diaries 2, and Just My Luck guy? How can you not love that face? Adorable.

Don't: Read the Manny.

It's really dull. Like the Nanny Diaries, but from the POV of the Mom who thinks she isn't the same as the rest of the Upper East Side, so even duller. There's a handsome man in it and a few funny sidekicks but mostly she bitches about how stressful it is to work part time and have three children and three staff, how her husband is a shallow tool, how her Manny is hot... Spends entirely too long on the subplot about her job as a news producer. Really, no one cares.

Here's the sums: Boo hoo, I work so hard and my kids feel neglected, especially my son who effed up in his basketball game and is pretending not ot care. My husband is a lawyer making lots of money but is all bummed that he isn't making enough for a private jet, and thus has no time for our son. I will hire a handsome man to hang out with my son. I totz have a crush on him but I'm too good a wife to do anything about it. Bitch friend went down on him in the closet at a playdate! I hate my husband, also, maybe I should leave him, but sometimes I like him. Oh also boo hoo work sucks I have such a good story coming out that it has been such hard work. Gay men like to give me advice on how to be less frumpy but I don't seem to understand. I love being frumpy. But it's ok, my manny loves me, I figured it out when I went to his birthday party and this really cute girl who had a crush on him told me he was head over heels with 'someone' and someone else told me he had made big bucks off this software he was developing but didn't quit because he didn't want to... ditch my kid? He loves me and now he's really rich. But I have work and fam, so sorry manny. I just caught my husband eating my other friend's vag. OMG. I should get a divorce and hook up with my manny, but not immediately. I don't understand why my manny is so upset I don't want to hook up with him, upset enough to run to California?? Actually I'm just going to take the kids away for a weekend. Manny came to visit! We had hot hot sex, but not that hot. Husband came to visit too! I blackmailed him because he has been doing some dodgy things with his law firm and is in trouble, and now I am free. Manny says I need some time alone, so he will meet me in our spot in central park in precisely 6 months. He did.

(That was the actual last line of the book... 'and he did.' Or something Similar.)

The worst thing about this was that it referenced Britney Spears' Manny and thus means it wasn't even a fresh new idea. It means that it was already old news.

The best thing was that the main chick was advised by a friend to 'always blow your husband'. Hahaha. Every morning apparently. Rona and I discussed it and decided it was a gross but genius plan. From Rona's POV: He'd never cheat, unless he got horny at lunch. From NB's POV: How could he say no to anything? You just gave him a BJ. From my POV: His friends would mock him if he ever complained about anything, because the rest of them only have sex once a month.

Don't: Read Lucky

For some reason, we've been getting a subscription to Lucky for free. The just keep showing up. And they kind of suck. For instance, the May issue assured me that crimping hair was back in. That is a damn lie. Less offensive, but still not great in a fashion mag: Everything is kind of old news. Gladiator sandals, hobo bags... is that stuff still in? Weren't they soo last summer??

Most importantly: No horoscopes. Whaaaa?

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