Thursday, February 21, 2008


Saw this piece of cinematic gold over the weekend. And by gold I mean more of a mushy-brown and smelly kind of material.

The Plot: David (Hayden Christensen aka Anikin Skywalker aka hot) is a bit of a loser as a kid, but has a big crush on this travel-obsessed chick, Millie (Rachel Bilson aka Summer). One day he is getting bullied and falls into a frozen lake and everyone thinks he is dead, including himself, except then he magically teleports into the public library avec a whole lot of water. Wow, he can teleport. Seeing as he comes from a broken family - his mother ran off when he was 5 (... we will soon lean that a lot of significant things happen to people at the age of 5 but days later I still have no idea why) and his father... well let's just say he wasn't much of one. And by let's, I mean that's a direct quote. Anyhoo, he runs away from home and makes his living by teleporting into bank safes and stealing large amounts of money.

Many moons pass and Hayden is living it up in New York, spending his days jumping around and being glam. Then, he gets attacked! Roland (aka Samuel L Jackson aka Mace Windoo aka I've had it with these mother effing snakes on this mother effing plane!) a jumperhunter has finally found him. After a brief battle, Hayden manages to escape and finds himself in his childhood home. Then, while he's there he decides to pop in and check up on Summer. Summer is still in town, working in a bar despite being all "i'm gonna go here and here and here" as a kid, much akin to Amy Smart in Just Friends. Bla bla, they hook up and he takes her to Rome (by plane), where he meets Griffin (aka Jamie Bell aka Billy Elliot) who is a jumper assassin who fights SLJ and his army of Jedi. Also have a run in with some Jedi. Bla bla very dramatic he has to try to kill Sams so that Sams won't kill everyone he has ever loved (er Rachel, seeing as how he already got to not much of a dad...) while also trying to discover the truth about his mother (aka... Diane Lane? What are you doing here? There are no dogs for you to love in this movie, or Tuscan Suns for you to be under!).

Or, (to sum it up in the words of a neighbour): It's like they took the worst mutant from X-men and made an entire movie about him.

The Good: Hayden's face. Rachel's face. The special effects when they were actually jumping. The 3 seconds of the non- sex scene. Hayden's bod. The travelling was nice.

The Bad: The acting. Hayden was his usual broody self, Rachel was Summer, and Samuel was kind of his usual self but more self-righteous. What I want to know is, why does he make a movie credible? He certainly hasn't been in any good ones recently. The sex scene was entirely too short and also, out of no where. Had absolutely nothing to do with anything. Oh and also the story had lots of holes, for example: Billy Elliot, where did you go?

The Ugly: The editing. I think a lot of the scenes would have been infinately better if they had just waited a few seconds to let you absorb things before cutting away, most noticably when he jumps into a car and then it just like cuts away, you don't have a second to sit there and go.. that effect was awesomeee. It just makes you very aware that you are watching a movie.
Also ugly was this extra in the bar scene who kept looking at the camera really awkwardly.

Yay or Nay: Really, I'd say nay. Coz we watched it for Hayden but even that didn't focus on him for long enough for it to be worth it.

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